Baby's First Christmas Read online

  Regardless of what my doctor said, I knew my body. Every night this year, I’d fallen asleep replaying the memory of my night with Jude. I could remember some of the faintest details, like his needy pant just before he reached his climax, our bodies pulled so tightly I could barely breathe.

  Jude was dominating in the bedroom, his hands gripping and pulling my body as if I might run away any second, when in reality it was where I had always longed to be. He was so greedy. My abdomen clenched, remembering his hands on my breasts, squeezing me while he pumped me hard and fast, my moans growing louder and louder.

  It was the only time I’d completely lost myself, forgetting everything, including the party happening on the other side of the door. Jude made me feel like a star in the way he tortured me with enough pleasure to last a year of his absence, but now, with his hand on my knee, I knew I wasn’t ready to take him again.

  Or, let him take me. Jude didn’t take orders, and I liked that.

  But everything was different since I had Chris. My body jiggled in places it never had before and birth had left me insecure about my ability to even turn a man on anymore.

  “What do you think?” his words shocked me from my own thoughts, but it was his hand around my knee that took my breath away.

  Glancing over, I knew that if given the chance, I would not be able to resist Jude if he made a move. His stare was enough to seduce me out of my lace thong. I found myself turning away to inhale slowly.

  A bright light from the sidewalk caught my attention, announcing an afternoon movie in the park. There were big white tents, lined with colorful holiday lights, as families walked hand in hand through the entrance gates.

  “An afternoon movie?” I read the sign aloud in disbelief. I hadn’t been to one since I was a child, and when I caught my smile reflected in Jude’s eyes, my heart melted.

  “Yeah, they’re playing A Christmas Story,” he explained as he pulled the car key from the ignition before unbuckling his seat belt. Following suit, I gathered my purse before climbing from the car and following Jude.

  “Do we need something to sit on? I won’t want to ruin my new dress. I might have a blanket in the trunk,” I thought to myself.

  “I got it,” Jude smiled, reaching for my hand before interlocking our fingers.

  I watched him closely as he looked left and then right before leading me across the street like I was a child. He was so protective, always looking out for me.

  “Hi! How can I help you?” A big-haired woman asked when we approached the tent.

  “May I have two tickets?” Jude asked.

  “Sure thing. Do you want to buy a blanket or something?” she asked, pointing to a table of different baskets she had pre-assembled.

  “No, thank you,” I smiled. Everything was extremely overpriced, as things tended to be at events.

  “You know what? Give me the big one,” Jude pointed at a basket marked two-hundred dollars.

  “Huh?” I blurted out in disbelief.

  Before I could stop him, he’d handed the woman three bills, insisting that she keep the change before lifting the basket with one hand, his other still trapped in the grip of my fingers.

  “Jude, I had a blanket in the car,” I whispered as we walked into the park.

  “Relax, babe,” he whispered back, leaning down to kiss my cheek as he led me to the back of the crowded green space.

  While the trees of Savannah fought long and hard for their bright green color, the flowers never made it to the holiday season. Compared to a spring day, the park was bare and plain, yet there was a redeeming quality to the simplicity.

  “Is this good?” Jude asked, stopping at a perfect patch of grass beneath a tall tree. The surrounding mulch provided a barrier of privacy and a perfect spot for our new basket.

  “Let’s see what’s in here,” I shook my head at Jude. Just like my brother and father, he was impulsive with a checkbook, buying things for convenience instead of using what he already had.

  His three hundred dollars bought a large flannel blanket plus a smaller, thinner, medium-sized blanket, a huge bag of popcorn, two glass Coca-Cola bottles, one big pack of M&Ms, one large pack of Goobers and two Hershey chocolate bars.

  Laughing at his gullibility, we spread the blanket on the soft grass before getting comfortable. With his back resting against the trunk of the tree, Jude draped his arms around my shoulders pulling me between his legs until my back rested along his chest.

  “Look, they’ve got a guy dressed as Santa up there,” he laughed, pointing to the small stage in front of the large projector screen.

  It was incredible how relaxed he was, like us sitting so close was normal, while my heart was racing so fast I feared I’d pass out. He smelled so… manly. A mix of body wash, sweat and a rosewood cologne.

  “You okay? I think they’re going to start soon.” His words were too warm on my neck. I nodded, unable to speak a word, and Jude’s hand dropped down to my hip, his palm finding its final resting place on my pelvis.

  Covered by a white canopy, the movie began projecting against the large screen as everyone quieted down, excited for a holiday classic. There were families and groups of teenage friends alike, everyone enjoying the Christmas spirit as a group of Girl Scouts made their way around the park selling eggnog and warm apple cider.

  “Do you want some popcorn?” I asked, holding a kernel over my shoulder.

  Squinting at my hand, Jude leaned down, taking the popcorn from my fingers with his mouth without looking away from the movie. After a few handfuls, he nodded his satisfaction, and I shoveled a few handfuls into my own mouth.

  Snickering quietly, I remembered all the Christmas evenings spent watching A Christmas Story with my brother and sister and parents. It was the perfect afternoon date, and I smiled to myself, realizing how much of a gentleman Jude was despite my own erotic thoughts.

  “This is a benefit to warm winters,” Jude spoke softly against my neck.

  “Huh?” I jumped, startled by the warm sensation across my sensitive skin.

  “Remember?” he said, pressing his palm firmly against my stomach, aggressively encouraging me to relax against him. I did as he instructed, listening close as he continued, my body going lax as his fingers spread across my abdomen. “You were saying how perfect a white Christmas is. But you can’t have movies in the park during a white Christmas,” he smirked.

  “Movies in the park are pretty epic,” I nodded, happy to see the smile spread across Jude’s face. He was so handsome with a deep stare, his jaw tense with thought. But nothing was more attractive than watching his eyes glow with excitement whenever something interested him.

  “We should bring Chris here,” he beamed with pride, his eyes bluer than I’d ever seen them.

  “Yeah…” I breathed, words escaping me.

  As if he could be any more attractive, overnight Jude had become the caring and thoughtful father I always expected he could be. What felt like a perfect moment was suddenly incomplete as I thought of how special it would be to create memories together with our son, enjoying his first Christmas together.

  “But first I need time alone with you,” he whispered the words, our bodies so close I could feel his words against my lips. With my neck turned, I rested on his neck, biting my lip as I failed to fight the urge.

  When our mouths collided, I breathed him in, welcoming his tongue against mine as my hands roamed through his hair. Just as I remembered, Jude’s hands knew my body better than I did. Starting at my hips, he massaged every inch of my body, pinching and bending me with his strong hands.

  “Agh,” I moaned, forgetting where I was.

  “Shhh, babe…” Jude glanced around the park.

  “Oh my God,” I sat up straight, moving forward just as his hands found my hips.

  “Where are you going?” he growled, pulling me back between his legs.

  “Jude, this is a family event,” I whispered, glancing around, though no one appeared to be looking in my
direction.

  “Okay, no more kissing,” he offered, holding his hands up in a surrender.

  Pausing, I contemplated if either of us could agree after such an enticing preview. Reading my mind, Jude ignored my apprehensions, dropping his hands to my hips before pulling me back between his legs.

  “No more kisses…” he assured me as he flung the second blanket into the air, covering my body. His hands roamed from my hips up my abdomen. “On the mouth,” he added before burying his face beneath my full curls, his tongue greeting my neck.

  The need to cry was painful, my stomach tightening with sexual tension. With his knees bent into the air, Jude’s body created an illusion with the blanket much like a tent. To anyone watching, we were two love birds snuggled up watching a holiday movie.

  But beneath the blanket, Jude’s fingers teased my aroused nipples, threatening to pierce through the fabric. Yearning for pressure, my body pressed against Jude’s hard frame, his erection digging into my back.

  “Shhh…” he whispered in my ear, watching my body react to his touch. He was so attentive, using his mouth and hands to tease and grip me from multiple directions at once.

  “Jude,” I whispered, while my body pressed into his touch, craving more of him.

  “Relax, babe. Nobody can see you,” he whispered, kissing my neck.

  Like a charm, my body followed his command, melting into his touch. As the audience around us laughed and applauded to a holiday favorite, I lay cuddled in Jude’s strong arms, hidden beneath our shaded tree. As my body built up to new heights from nothing more than his touch, my head fell back onto his chest, my breath heavy and hot.

  “That might be the best three hundred dollars I ever spent,” Jude whispered before biting my ear. Our laughter mixed with that of the audience, but we were in our own world, an indestructible bubble of joy, or so I thought.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  JUDE

  “I JUST WANT to thank everyone for coming out. Please drive safe and have a good evening,” said the man dressed in the Santa costume.

  The intercom system had given him a difficult time throughout his entire closing speech, with loud shrieks of feedback interrupting every third word. I was grateful when he bowed out, handing the microphone over to the leader of the local band, who immediately broke into a sped-up rendition of “Winter Wonderland.”

  “Would you like to donate to the Girl Scout Troop 478 fundraiser?” a cheery voice called out.

  “I was wondering where you were during the movie. I wanted to get some apple cider,” Holly spoke softly, squatting so she was eye to eye with the young girl. She had dark brown hair much like Holly, her eyes bashful as she twisted her fingers nervously.

  “Oh yeah, we ran out too soon. We have to bring more next time,” the girl’s shoulders slumped recalling their underestimate.

  “Well, that just means you didn’t make too much. You wouldn’t want to waste, right?” Holly asked, tilting her head as the small girl thought about her question.

  “I guess not, because when we have leftover cookies, it’s hard to find new people to sell them to. Sometimes, my mom has to buy them. Especially Tagalongs. For some reason, no one likes the Tagalongs,” the girl thought aloud, scrunching her nose as she reached a new conclusion.

  “Tagalongs weren’t my favorite. I liked Trefoils,” Holly smiled.

  “Trefoils are my favorite!” she shrieked, clapping her hands.

  “How about this? You put this in your donation bin, and when cookie season comes back around, you make sure to have a Trefoil cookie on me. Deal?” Holly asked as she extended her hand, holding a ten-dollar bill.

  “Deal!” The young girl accepted the money before extending her hand for a handshake.

  “Oh? You’re making it official?” I chuckled, smiling at her ethics.

  “Deal,” Holly nodded as she shook the girl’s hand before standing tall, watching the girl walk away, the confidence evident in her posture.

  She was so patient, and from the longing in her eyes, I wondered if she wanted a little girl who looked like her, as I had Chris. He was a spitting image of me, everything I ever dreamed of in a son.

  “Oh, Jude!” Holly yelped, staring down at her phone.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked.

  “I need to go get Chris. It’s almost his bedtime and I don’t want to mess up his schedule,” she explained as she quickly folded the blanket.

  Holly’s parents didn’t live far from the park, and driving through Savannah on auto-pilot, I realized how familiar I was with the city. Unlike near my apartment in the city, I never needed to look up at a street sign to remember where I was. A GPS was unnecessary.

  “Jude, you can go right to get to your parents.”

  “Oh, you wanted me to go home?” I asked, the disappointment clear in my tone.

  “I thought that’s what–” Holly rushed.

  “I want to see Chris,” I admitted, pausing at the light as I awaited her answer.

  “I’d love that,” she smiled, resting her head back as she glanced out the window, her chest rising and falling slowly.

  Reaching across the center console, I took her hand in mine as I turned left, heading to her parents’ home. In silence, I tried not to pay too much attention to her excitement about my visiting Chris.

  Always a people pleaser, Holly would regularly downplay her own desires to appease others. Pleasing her always resulted in one of her vulnerable smiles, one I was just being introduced to, and it was the sweetest reward. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to see her blush with appreciation. Tracing a circular pattern along her hand with the pad of my thumb, I yearned to be alone with her. With tightness in my abs, my body still in need of a release from our teasing session in the park, I arrived at the Foster family home.

  “I’ll just run in and get him,” Holly said before I pulled the car to a stop.

  “Are you sure?” I questioned, though I was fine with bypassing another reunion, hoping to be alone with Holly instead.

  “Yeah. I’ll be right back,” she said, already out the car.

  Watching her jog to the front door, I wondered if Holly was as eager to get back to her place as I was. The park was like foreplay, and I certainly wanted to continue what we started. However, when the lights in the house lit up, revealing the outline of Mrs. Foster, I wondered if she wanted to hide me from her family.

  It was easy to forget how complicated the mess we created really was. Thankfully, Dylan and Holly’s mother had always been kind and accepting of me, despite whatever happened between her and my parents. She never let that affect my friendship with Dylan, but something told me she might not be as accepting to Holly and I dating.

  The more I learned, the more guilt I felt for leaving Holly to handle everything on her own. Sure, I didn’t know what she was going through, but maybe if I had called and checked in on her just once, I would have learned she was pregnant with my baby, and I could have helped her navigate the confusion.

  Those thoughts faded when I saw her walking down the stone path to the car. Holding Chris over her shoulder with two hands, she looked to be carrying a precious stone. Jumping from the car, I opened the back car door, watching over her shoulder as she moved quickly to strap Chris into the car seat.

  “He just woke up,” she said over her shoulder. He was quiet and attentive as ever, his eyes trained on me, reflecting the blue in my own eyes.

  “You sleepy, big man?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

  “Ahh!” Chris screeched, trying to clapping his hands together.

  “Don’t let Daddy wake you up,” Holly giggled, but it caught me off guard, hearing myself referred to as a father for the first time.

  Holly gazed into my eyes as if she knew exactly how I felt before turning her head to glance at Chris. “We should get him home. Do you want to come to my place for a little?”

  “Yes.”

  My answer was too fast to be perceived as anything other than eager
, and I drove to Holly’s house with tension in my chest. Thankfully, it was less than a mile from her parents, so the wait wasn’t long.

  “Okay, I have to warn you before we walk in,” Holly held her hands up as we stood on her small front porch.

  Holding Chris’ car seat, I watched her fidget, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. I fought back the need to laugh, shifting Chris’ car seat from my left hand to the right, still shocked by how light he was.

  “It’s just a starter home, and it’s only for me and Chris. It’s not my forever home, and I didn’t know I was going to have company today,” she rambled off the excuses before reaching into her purse, digging for her keys as she searched my face.

  “Now can we go inside?” I asked, feeling the left side of my lips curling upwards.

  “Yes,” she smiled, finally unlocking the door.

  It was a small cottage home, opening up into a living room with a wood-burning fireplace. A small white sofa sat across from the fireplace, with a pink loveseat closing out the room. Holly led the way, stopping in the kitchen. A small island held a bowl of fruit and a glass vase filled with twelve blush roses.

  “I buy myself a dozen every other Friday. They’re my little treat to myself,” Holly closed her eyes as she inhaled the scent, again reading my mind. I nodded, smiling as I turned to take in the rest of her place while making a mental note to take over her flower ritual.

  The kitchen was small, but big enough for one person, and I could tell that Holly had a place for everything as I glanced around. Coffee mugs decorated with glitter and clever sayings hung from small metal hooks along the wall, and a box advertising a food puree system sat on the counter.

  “You make Chris’ food?” I asked, raising the car seat to set him safely on the kitchen island.

  Following me across the room, she watched me lift the box as I examined the contents. The pamphlet inside claimed packaged baby foods contained all types of chemicals you didn’t want to feed your baby.