Baby's First Christmas Read online

  Secrets weren’t a part of my friendship with Dylan. We didn’t have the type of friendship where we shared every detail of our life, but it was always from a lack of time, not boundaries. There was nothing off limits between us until I began to look at his sister differently.

  There was no way I could tell him how I felt about Holly, let alone what we’d done at his place that night. Just to see the pride in his eyes when he talked about her, I felt awful not being able to share what was burning so strongly inside me.

  “I just saw Holly. She’s doing good?”

  “Oh yeah, you know she handles everything. I don’t know where we’d be without her,” he shrugged, taking the last swig of his beer before setting the green glass bottle firmly on the table beside him.

  “I, uh, didn’t know she had a kid. Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked more clumsily than I intended. I’d held back the question as long as I could, and I was bursting at the seams trying to understand how I could be so out of the loop.

  “I did,” Dylan tilted his head, silently searching his memory for a time when he may have mentioned the news, and I saw the second he came up blank.

  “You didn’t,” I confirmed.

  “That’s crazy! He’s always with me. Chris is my little man.” The pride reappeared in his eyes, only this time it was even brighter than when he spoke about his sister. It was obvious Dylan loved his nephew, and I was proud of my friend, noticing how much he’d changed for the better.

  “That’s great. I’ve got to come by and see him. I can’t believe little Holly had a baby.” I shook my head thinking of her. She was always the sweet and innocent type. I never expected her to be such a firecracker in the bedroom.

  “Yeah, the dad is a douchebag. He’s never even seen the kid, but we don’t need him.”

  I was so lost in my recollection of my night with Holly that I barely heard Dylan’s words, but they replayed in my mind as he led me to the front door after telling me he needed to get back to work.

  So the dad wasn’t on the scene. I wondered why. Holly was a private person and it made sense in some ways that I hadn’t known about the baby from her. She must have had her reasons.

  We made a plan to see each other the next day after I lied about spending the first evening back with my family, instead of with his sister.

  It was difficult to feel any guilt when I knew I’d be spending the evening with Holly. Just remembering our dinner plans brought a smile to my face as I pulled out onto the main street. I’d rented a black Dodge Challenger, using any excuse to drive a HEMI. Rolling slowly down the streets of Savannah, I couldn’t help but notice how much had stayed the same.

  The barbershop where I’d got my haircut every last Sunday of the month was still on the corner, the blue, white and red stripes spinning on the front sign. People walked about, enjoying their day in a leisurely way you didn’t see in the northern parts of the country.

  In New York, everyone had somewhere to be five minutes ago and you were in their way. There was no strolling in New York, so I marveled when sitting at a stop light, just watching everyone go about their day.

  “Hey, it’s your turn!” a young girl called out, and I looked up to see the light had turned green. Glancing in my rearview mirror, the man in the driver seat behind me nodded, and I waved as he politely waited for me to move. It was enough to bring me to laughter after twelve months in the city that beeps at you if you were not moving the second the light changes.

  It was nice to see the city that raised me, and even better when I finally arrived at my childhood home. My mother had hung balloons on the mailbox, as she always did when I returned home for the holidays.

  “There he is!” My father’s voice barked from the doorway as I lifted my bag out of the trunk.

  My little sister, back from college, was halfway down the driveway, sprinting in my direction, before I could take two steps. Leaping in the air, she wrapped her arms around my neck just as I caught her like she was three years old again. Our large age gap meant Jessie had always been my sweet baby sister who I was sworn to protect. I was her hero, and it wasn’t a title I wore lightly.

  “Jessie, get something on your feet!” My mom said, peeking her head around my father’s broad shoulder.

  “I’m fine! My big brother’s carrying me!” she called back, her mouth too close to my ear.

  My father’s arms were wrapped around me before I crossed the threshold and my mom’s small frame was snuggled beside me just as fast.

  “Look at you! You’re so tall and handsome!” she squealed, her eyes sparkling with emotion.

  “Don’t cry, Mom. We have two weeks together,” I reminded her.

  “I know! And I’m coming up there in a few months,” she said, a promise she’d made and kept every year. She was good to her word and let me take her out for dinner and listen to her tell me about her day in the big city, visiting museums and going shopping.

  “How was your flight?” my father asked, and I told them the same answer I’d told Dylan as we all made our way to the kitchen, following the aroma as if we were under a spell.

  My parents asked about my job, which I’d had since leaving school. I loved living in New York, but coming home to Savannah was something I looked forward to every December.

  “Mom, this smells amazing,” I said, closing my eyes to take in the delicious flavors as my stomach growled.

  “It’s your favorite!” she announced with red cheeks.

  “I just want you to know I didn’t receive this type of treatment when I got home,” Jessie teased my mother, her deep dimples revealing her harmless intentions. I tugged at her long ponytail, gripping a few of the raspberry blonde strands.

  There, standing in the living room, it felt like not a day had gone by since we were all much younger, as close as could be. Everything about Savannah was nostalgic, but being with my family was second to none. We enjoyed my mother’s pot roast, which she paired with creamy mashed potatoes, thick gravy, carrots and green beans.

  Fighting back my desires, I refrained from seconds, not wanting to be full when evening rolled around. I was enjoying my family, but that didn’t mean I’d forgotten about my longed-for date with Holly.

  Chapter Five

  HOLLY

  STARING AT the heaping pile of dresses on my bed, I fought back tears. Nothing fit the way it used to, and I was overly anxious about Jude noticing the changes in my body. He was the last man to see me naked, and now I looked nothing like the woman he knew. Just thinking that he might make a move almost sent me into a panic. He was too demanding with sex, too rough, too confident. I didn’t think I could handle the type of sexual aggression that Jude came with. Even so, I was still thinking that our night together had been the best sex ever and the memory made my heart beat faster.

  Anyway, it didn’t matter. What happened between us could never happen again. He wanted some answers, and if I was honest I’d admit that I had a few questions of my own. It would be a short and casual meal, and we could go on about our individual lives like nothing happened.

  By the time I settled on a black A-line dress, I had convinced myself that there was nothing romantic between Jude and me. It wouldn’t be hard to keep my secret about Chris because nothing was ever going to happen between us. I didn’t want Jude to give up or change his life because of the decision I had made by myself. I just had to get through dinner and make sure it was nothing more than a reason to get dressed up for the first time in months.

  Watching my reflection in the full-length mirror, I was now happy with my curves and the way my ass poked out from my dress. With a low neckline, my cleavage was just enough to highlight one of the benefits of having an infant. I breastfed Chris and supplemented with formula.

  It felt good to see myself all dolled up, my legs a mile long in strappy stilettos. My hair hung low in voluminous waves straight out of a shampoo commercial, and a pang of guilt struck my stomach for not making more of an effort regularly. I was hot!
r />   I also felt guilty for spending time away from Chris. I had reconciled myself to my work schedule, but Chris rightly dominated my free time and I loved being with my baby boy. That said, my parents and Dylan sometimes argued over who got to look after him when I needed to work. In the almost three months since I’d had Chris, I had used a babysitter once.

  A loud engine caught my attention, pulling me away from my thoughts. Living on the back of a small cul-de-sac, my street on the outskirts of town didn’t get much traffic. Jude had pulled to a stop before I could find my clutch purse, and just as I opened the front door, there he stood, dressed in the same black pants and white button-down shirt from earlier, although now he didn’t have the suit jacket.

  “Wow.”

  His eyes raced over my body, pausing at my breasts for an extra second before continuing. By the time he made his way back to my face, his eyes were a dreamy blue and he bit his lip.

  All the preparation I’d gone through, assuring myself there was nothing between us, went right out the window. I prayed he didn’t ask to come inside, because I knew I would have let him. At that moment, Jude could have done whatever he wanted to me. I was his.

  “I guess we should get going,” he finally said, and I felt the disappointment in the pit of my stomach.

  “Right, yes. You look nice,” I smiled, pulling the door shut behind me before twisting the doorknob to ensure it had locked properly.

  “Thank you, but I think you’ve put me to shame.” He grinned a smile that let me know he wasn’t just saying it. Jude felt underdressed? It was strangely ironic, considering his reputation for wearing tailored suits.

  He opened the car door for me like a gentleman. Everything about him seemed calculated, and I watched closely as he turned the key in the ignition, his lips curling upwards as the engine came to life.

  Jude was handsome without trying, but whenever he was interested in something, a new toy if you will, you could see that boy-like glow in his blue eyes. He was breathtaking. Taking the long way through the city, I wondered where we were going until he pulled into Alice’s, a traditional Southern restaurant with Northern prices. The portions were known to be too small, and the combinations a bit unorthodox, but I didn’t bother to tell Jude about the reviews I’d heard.

  “I saw they opened this new restaurant. Have you been yet?” he asked on our way to the restaurant. I shook my head, smiling as he held the front door open.

  “Welcome to Alice’s! How many?” the red-haired hostess asked as I walked through the doors.

  “Just two,” I smiled, looking to Jude as he joined my side.

  “Perfect. Come with me, please,” she smiled as she grabbed two leather-bound menus before leading us through a dining area. It was fancier than the typical Savannah restaurant, with white tablecloths and real floral arrangements as centerpieces.

  “Is this fine?” the woman asked when we arrived at a table so small touching seemed inevitable.

  “This is perfect,” Jude answered from behind me, his left hand carelessly resting on my hip before he led me to the seat. I followed without hesitation, already wanting more of his touch.

  “Your waiter will be right with you,” the woman announced before returning to the entrance as I settled into my seat, opening the large menu with curiosity.

  I couldn’t help but examine their menu with the eyes of an entrepreneur, wondering how they were able to command such high rates for dishes we offered at the hotel. Glancing around the room, I wondered if it was the ambience or the vibe you paid for.

  “I really like the fresh flowers,” I said more to myself, as I inhaled deeply, appreciating the rich aromas.

  “They’re nice. By the way, I saw the changes you made at the hotel, Holly. They’re good!” Jude beamed, his smile widening as his eyes gleamed. He was proud of me, but my heart fluttered thinking of how all that could change if he knew the truth, about me and Chris.

  “Hi! My name is William, and I’ll be taking care of you this evening,” a young man announced at the edge of the table. He was about twenty with a thin frame and hair so dark it looked black. His eyes were darting from one thing to the next, the way men do when they were intimidated.

  “Hi, William,” Jude announced, helping the man out. He turned to Jude with a grateful smile before reading off the specials for the night.

  “We’ll have the finest cabernet you have, please. And a little more time to look over the menu for dinner,” Jude answered with an authoritative tone that made me wonder about his life in New York.

  He was a big shot up there — I’d heard stories about it from mutual friends and my brother. It was obvious from the way he dressed and talked he was on to bigger and better things than we could understand in Savannah. It was unheard of to rent a car if you weren’t a tourist, because everyone knew each other so you could bum a ride or borrow a car before you paid hundreds of dollars to a rental company.

  But Jude always insisted on not only having his own car, but it had to be a fancy car. He was living a dream, and sitting across from him, I felt I couldn’t ruin that. Not with the possibility of a relationship, and definitely not with the truth about Chris. I had to think about what was best, and not what I wanted.

  “Do you know what you want?” he asked, startling me from my thoughts.

  “Err…” I froze, fearing he could hear my thoughts.

  “I’m thinking of the surf and turf. What do you like?” he asked, clarifying that he was talking about the menu.

  “Oh, that’s so expensive,” I whispered, still in disbelief they were able to charge such a high price.

  “Don’t worry about that,” Jude glanced across the table, his eyes cutting through my shyness and every insecurity I’d been carrying.

  When Jude looked at me, it was like he saw me, more than anyone else in my entire life. He knew the real me, and was always pushing me to see and try new things. He was the older, wiser, more mature one who had seen the world. Whenever I was around him, I felt smarter and honored that he would want to spend time with me.

  “Here’s your wine,” the man returned with the bottle, pouring a sip for me to test before filling two glasses to the halfway point.

  “Do you know what you’d like to order?” he asked.

  “Surf and turf for the both of us,” Jude answered, closing his menu before handing it to William.

  “Perfect,” he smiled, gathering my menu without looking in my direction before scurrying off.

  “Really?” I asked in shock.

  “You wouldn’t have ordered it for yourself,” Jude shrugged, reaching across the table to place his hand over mine. “I’m sorry we didn’t talk afterwards.”

  My heart stopped. So he was just going to dive right into this? I wasn’t ready to discuss everything and I damn sure wasn’t expecting him to start with an apology. I wanted to argue, or slide my hand from beneath his, but my body wouldn’t listen. It wouldn’t pull away from him because it felt too right, too normal.

  “Why did you leave in the middle of the night?”

  I said it. It was out there, and I felt like I’d thrown a grenade, listening to see if it was real. The look on Jude’s face let me know that it was. First there was concentration as he listened closely to me, then confusion, and lastly rage if I wasn’t mistaken.

  “I was running late for my flight, but I stopped to get those donuts you always liked,” Jude whispered loudly across the table, leaning in to emphasize his words.

  “You what?” the words fell from my lips in a breath.

  Recalling that fateful morning, I thought back to tiptoeing through Dylan’s home, only to find my brother on the porch swing, eating from a box of donuts. All that time, I had accepted Jude’s gift without even knowing he was the sender.

  “Yeah, I got the ones you told me you liked and everything. I know it wasn’t the most romantic gesture, but when you didn’t call afterwards, I thought I might have come on too strong,” he reasoned, running his hand through his h
air. “Perhaps I should have left a note, but I was already running late and worried that someone else might find it.”

  It was so vulnerable to see the worry on his face. Jude, to me, could do no wrong. From the time he was a teenager, he was always great at whatever he tried. Whatever team he tried out for, he became captain of, and they won the championship. The girls always loved him, and rather than taking advantage of his privilege, he had the nerve to still be a humble and down-to-earth guy. To think that he could ever think he came on too strong was just unbelievable.

  “I didn’t know the donuts were from you,” I shook my head, putting the details together.

  “I did reach out a few times after that,” he said.

  “The timing just wasn’t right,” I answered, explaining something extremely complex as simply as I could manage. But I was unsure of how or if I could fit in his life. Once I learned I was pregnant, I decided not to say anything and as time went on, it got easier.

  By the time we finished dinner, I had a better understanding of why Alice’s was able to charge so much for their dinner. The service and dinner were absolutely exceptional.

  “This was so nice,” I remarked to Jude as the waiter took our plates away.

  “Would you like two hot chocolates to go? The river is beautiful at night,” the young man again spoke only to Jude.

  “What do you think? You up for a walk?” Jude asked.

  “Sure,” I answered too quickly, eager to extend my time with him.

  “We’ll take two, William. And the check, please,” Jude ordered, and the waiter went about his way.

  “He keeps ignoring me,” I said, looking after the young man.

  “You’re too beautiful.”

  Jude said it like it needed no further explanation, like I should know exactly what he meant, but I didn’t. Confused, I scrunched my nose, tilting my head to the side.

  “He’s flustered by your beauty.”

  My heart stopped.

  Chapter Six

  JUDE