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  “I’m not alone. Tori watches over me. I have friends who are there for me,” I protested, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I am going to throw myself into work, and it’s going to be great.”

  “I hope so, sweet girl. You deserve it.”

  She enveloped me in a hug and made me feel so safe. Diana offered to let me stay with her, but once I was settling into art, I decided to live by myself. I didn’t want to live a life based on fear. Tori encouraged me every step of the way and I was doing well, even if I did get a little crazy when it came to locking my doors. I checked it more than once sometimes, but I enjoyed living alone, and every officer in town kept a watchful eye on my place. I waved as Diana drove off and entered my home, locking the door as I let the tears finally slide down my cheeks. I cried for my mom and everything the incident did to my family. I cried for Diana, who missed her sister so much and did everything to try to keep me safe, even if it was overkill at times. I couldn’t blame her for that. I cried for my dad and the shell of a man who he became as a result of the murder.

  Did Ryder know? I knew that it wasn’t difficult to find out, but he never indicated that he knew. I saw the burning curiosity in his eyes often, but I didn’t know what to say. People would find out if they looked into my background, and I would be exposed. Tori told me not to worry because I did nothing wrong. She promised me that it would die down if it became anything to begin with at all. When Ryder found out, I wondered if he’d be disappointed that I didn’t tell him myself. Maybe he’d hold it against me the way I still did to myself years later.

  People asked me sometimes why I didn’t get involved with others. This was the reason. Ryder was different, and I just fell for him. I didn’t know where it would go.

  I woke up in my dark bedroom to the sound of someone knocking at my front door. I froze as I listened, looking around until I could make out the shapes of my furniture. I saw my phone on the table beside the bed and reached for it, blinking at the messages I missed.

  Tori. Diana. Ryder. It looked like there were some voicemails from a few people as well, and I’d deal with that later. Nobody needed to hear me like this.

  The knocking stopped, and a voice called my name. It was an accented voice, and I sank back against my pillows. Ryder. He called my name and asked me to open the door, and I ran a hand through my messy hair. If I didn’t get the door, perhaps one of my neighbors would get involved.

  I stood on trembling legs and felt my leggings and T-shirt that was too big for me. I looked a hot mess, but it didn’t matter. I stumbled to the door and looked through the small peephole to make sure it was Ryder before clicking open the deadbolt.

  “Elyse?” he asked as I made my way through all four locks. I gazed outside to make sure that nobody was coming over to see what was going on, and met his eyes.

  “Come in. We don’t need to stir up the neighborhood.”

  He walked past me and locked the doors as I made my way to the couch, pulling my knees to my chest.

  “What time is it?” I asked.

  “It’s eight and way too fucking long for you to make me wait like this. I damn near dragged you away from that bar,” he growled as I gave him a wide-eyed stare. Ryder sat close to me, and I froze as he searched my face. There was a dim light on in the kitchen, but he couldn’t see the details of my face or anything like that. “What the hell is going on?”

  “I…” I didn’t know what to say. I was still fuzzy with sleep, and my stomach growled as I pressed my face into my arms. “I just woke up. I can’t think.”

  “I’ll get you something to drink. Are you hungry?” he asked, standing up and moving to the kitchen.

  “A bit. Thirsty mostly,” I croaked as he started to make a noise in the kitchen. I heard the kettle and microwave and the sounds of the dishes.

  “I have tea for you and some leftover pasta that was in your fridge. How’s that?” A hand touched my hair gently, and I tensed as he sighed. “I’d never hurt you. Ever. I reacted to that guy touching you the way he was, and I’m sorry. I didn’t take it as far as I could have, Elyse. I was just jealous.”

  “I know.” I raised my head and looked at the plate and cup in front of me on the table. The tea was hot, and I smiled at the bottle of water beside it. “Ryder, I didn’t want him to do that. He flirted the first night we met, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to jeopardize our possible future. The night of the show, it seemed like he was always around. Isn’t that how it is?” I watched as Ryder opened the water to hand it over to me. “I didn’t want to ruin everything. Then, you were there. You looked so good until I looked into your eyes.” I took a long sip as he scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I saw so much anger there.”

  “I was jealous, Elyse. I was looking forward to seeing you after being stuck at that game, and it threw me off.” Ryder sat down and sighed. “You had quite the bodyguard that night. What was the deal there with her?”

  I blushed and reached for my tea to give myself a moment. It was still hot, and I held it in my hands to warm my cool skin.

  “She is my aunt. We’re close, and she’s always been that way. It was a crazy night for everyone there.” I hoped it was enough and looked into his eyes only to be met with his doubt. “You were about ready to lose it, Ryder. I’m sure you’re man enough to admit that.”

  “I am, but I saw more than that. She would die for you, love. There’s something you’re not telling me, and it’s pushing you away from me.”

  Thoughts and emotions collided in my head. I was aware that the truth could come out sooner rather than later, but Ryder meant something to me. I could brush off any reactions potential fans might have, but he was someone I valued.

  I also didn’t know how to tell him what happened. The words always stuck in my throat to this day, and I was still missing details. I was too scared to read the many articles about the event, but perhaps they could show him the reason I acted the way I did.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked around for my phone. I remembered that it was still in my room and licked my lips. “Do you have your phone?”

  “I do. I was calling and texting you.” He moved forward and drew it from his pocket, handing it to me. I stared at the screen and the icon that would lead me to the truth, and my hands shook. “Elyse? What’s wrong?”

  I finally typed my mother’s name and the year of the murder into the search bar. I looked over the results and picked what I thought was the best source, the local paper, and clicked on it.

  “This might not be word for word, but it’s my past. You deserve to know it.” I handed him the phone before I lost my courage, taking in the intense look in his eyes. Ryder accepted my offering and leaned back as I focused on the food that he fixed for me. I sipped the now cooling tea gratefully, needing it for my raw throat. After I took a few drinks, I set that down and reached for the bowl of spaghetti. I stole a look at Ryder, and he was reading intently, his jaw set firm as my heart threatened to beat out of my chest. I looked back at the plate and took one bite of food, then another. I felt like I might throw it up, but I was hungry. I was weak from it at this point and I needed all the strength I could get to deal with this.

  Chapter 15

  RYDER

  HOLY FUCK.

  I read the article, stunned by the story it told. Elyse wasn’t mentioned by name in the piece due to her age, but I recognized she shared her last name with the victim. I knew it was her who suffered so much, and a lot made sense now.

  Her mother had been murdered in a robbery at her home, and Elyse had been there at the time, hiding. Her mother’s murderer was never caught. I didn’t know how much Elyse remembered about it or what she’d seen, but I thought back to the night of my game. She came to watch me play hockey and left before I ever got to see her. I saw fear in her face when we met to talk about it, and she told me that she didn’t like violence and aggression. I just didn’t know it went back to something like this.

  “This is why th
e game scared you. This is the reason I scare you,” I murmured as she gave me a puzzled look.

  “You didn’t scare me. Not that. Life scares me.” Her words were honest, and I blinked at her. “My dad faded away after that night, and I stayed with my grandma a lot when I was younger. I was close to my aunt as well. They did a good job of trying to be mother figures to me, but I always felt the void without her. I was little when she died, but there are so many good memories that I play in my head like a movie. It was a hard time, and I withdrew. I just went to school and did well and otherwise hid from everything. I was lucky to meet Tori in my first year in high school, and we connected right away. She’s one of the few who knows about that from me directly.” She waved her hand towards my phone and sipped her tea again.

  I noted that she managed only a few bites of food and held back the urge to tell her to finish it. Elyse was a bit of a mess right now, but I knew she needed time. Despite her past, I’d be the one to stay and fix her.

  “I’m glad you’re willing to share this with me.” I covered her hand with mine, and she looked at me with shimmering eyes. I reached that same arm around her to pull her close as she cried into my chest. It was the soft cries of a woman who had done a lot of it in her short life. I stroked her hair and murmured words of comfort, giving her the time to let it all out.

  “God, I’m a hot mess. I’m sorry.” Elyse wiped her eyes as she leaned her head forward.

  “It’s fine. You can grieve.” I thought to myself how beautiful she looked, showing me this side of her. “In fact, feel free to do it anytime. I’m here for you, Elyse.” Her eyes widened slightly at my words, and I nodded gently. “I mean that.”

  “You do?” Her voice was low.

  “You think I’d hold that against you in some way?” I pressed, and she shrugged weakly. “Never. You weren’t at fault for anything. I’d consider myself lucky that you’re here to be with me, given what might have happened.”

  “Oh.” She nodded and wiped at her eyes again. “It’s just that I am prepared for this to come out after the show, and it makes me nervous. Not so much that buyers will hate my work or anything, but I’ve gotten a lot of pity from this. I want to be an artist and not the broken girl I spent so many years as back then. It’s hard.”

  “I understand.” I watched as she relaxed against me, taking a deep breath.

  “I didn’t want you to resent me for my feelings. I just felt off at your game and saw what you could do, not who you are. I guess I thought you could hurt someone if pushed enough.” She slipped an arm around me.

  “I am guessing that my possessiveness didn’t give you a lot of relief from that, both at the restaurant as well as your show.” I smiled as she chuckled softly.

  “Pretty much. Diana also has made it her mission not to let me feel threatened in any way, though she thought Lucas was doing the right thing that night. As much as she wants to protect me, she also doesn’t see what I need. I’ll settle this with her,” Elyse told me, sounding drowsy. I considered getting her more tea but decided to let her rest instead. I felt her as she slumped against me, and her breathing evened out before I let out a long sigh I’d been holding in.

  We were going to be okay, and I’d make damn sure Elyse was from this point forward.

  I settled her on the couch to get some water and use the bathroom, looking at the pictures as I wandered back to the living room. There were several of her with Tori and other friends, but just a handful of any images featuring a smaller version of Elyse and a woman who she strongly resembled, her mom. There was immense love there, and my heart hurt for the girl who was breaking down my walls. Her dad was also in a few pictures, but the look in his eyes was evident. She had few people to support her through her horror, and I walked to the couch to look down at her.

  Elyse was so beautiful as she slept. I saw some peace in her face and let out a long breath as I considered where this was going. I’d slept with her several times but never felt like she was letting me inside all the way. Maybe that was different after tonight. I wanted it to be, not for more sex just on its own but because she meant a lot to me.

  A lot.

  I pulled Elyse back into my arms. I’d let her sleep if needed and stay like this all night if need be. I had a morning practice, but I’d make it through. She ended up waking up about an hour later and shifted in my arms with a groan.

  “Did I fall asleep on you?”

  “It’s fine. You were exhausted, love. I don’t have to be anywhere until tomorrow,” I assured her as she looked at me. “I’ll stay like this all night if you need me.”

  “I think I’d like that.” Elyse licked her lips, and I watched her as she weakly smiled at me. She pressed forward and touched my lips with hers gently, making relief flood my veins. She was everything that I wanted. I didn’t push for more, willing to give her control at this moment. I was hesitant to get too rough with her as I had been before and even regretted that now.

  The kiss deepened within a few moments, and her soft moans made me want to pin her down on the couch. I resisted the urge and let her claim my mouth with long, hungry kisses. She moved closer and I held her in place, loving the taste and the scent of her. We stayed like this for a long time before she moved to straddle me, making me groan her name against her lips.

  “Baby, we don’t need to do this,” I smiled. I stroked her hair back and gazed into her eyes to see a raw need.

  “I’ve felt so wrecked the last few days. Make me forget that, Ryder. Give me something to release it all.”

  I looked at her and slipped my hands over her ass to kiss her harder, pulling her against my needy cock.

  We made love hard that night in her bed, but I kissed her softly as I took her. She wanted me that way, and I made sure of it, but I kept making sure that she was okay. Elyse cried out my name as she tightened around me, and I moved slower, trying for a few more thrusts before I finished.

  I kissed her again, moving over her jaw before pulling out. I went to the bathroom to deal with the condom and returned, lying beside her to pull her into my arms. She smiled at me in the light from the moon and leaned against my damp chest.

  “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “I think I need to thank you. That felt incredible,” I assured her as her hand stroked my neck. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you too. The night of the showing was so bittersweet for me. I wanted to be there with you and have you see what I might be. We ended up so off.” There were tones of regret in her voice, and I smiled to myself.

  “I saw it. You’re so damn talented, Elyse. I bought one of the paintings. It arrived at my place yesterday.”

  She tensed, and I waited for her reaction.

  “What?” She pulled back to look at me. “Which one?”

  “I think it’s an image of you looking over water with lots of blues and greens.”

  “That’s Mom at one of the beaches we visited. I had a vague memory of it, but I found a picture and worked off that. It was one of my favorites, and I considered keeping it, but there’s so many of them.” She smiled at me, leaning in to kiss me softly. “I’m glad it’s with you.”

  “I am, too.” We kissed for a few moments, slowly. She dropped down again and sucked in a shaky breath. “I am so glad you’re here.”

  We stayed that way and murmured about the show and her other sales. She eventually fell into a deep sleep, and I made sure the house was secure before returning to her and allowing myself to relax finally. I rolled to my side and held her, breathing in the scent of us as I closed my eyes.

  I woke up to the sun streaming through the blinds, blinking slowly. I thought back to the night before and grinned as I looked around the room, seeing nobody on the side of her bed. I listened for sounds in the small place and relaxed once I heard something in the kitchen. The smell of brewing coffee filled the air, and I told myself that she was here. I didn’t think that she’d leave her own house but last night was heavy.

  I stre
tched in the queen bed, knowing it was a bit small for me. I wanted her in my huge bed at home where I could do so many bad things to her. I rose and grabbed my jeans from last night, slipping them on before I walked a few feet through her house. Elyse was standing at the counter, staring through the kitchen window as the coffee dripped into the cup beside her.

  “Morning, beautiful,” I softly said as she jumped.

  “You scared me.” Elyse turned, and I saw that she was wearing a baggy T-shirt that hung to her thighs, leaving me wanting more. “How is someone your size so quiet?”

  “I’m used to gliding across the ice and sneaking past hockey players.”

  Elyse rolled her eyes with a smile, and I relaxed that she seemed to be comfortable this morning. “That is hardly quiet.”

  “When did you wake up?” I asked, walking forward to pull her into my arms.

  “I think about thirty minutes ago. I stayed in bed for a little while, but I can’t go without coffee for too long.” She slipped her arms around my neck and stared into my eyes. “I thought you might be gone this morning. I thought you’d come to your senses.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  Her face fell for a moment.

  “Dad. People in general. I was always that girl who people felt like they had to tiptoe around, and after a while, it was the town story. I just focused on getting through every day.” I held her gaze as I leaned down to kiss her softly, feeling her breath catch in her throat.

  “Your father should have realized he needed to be there for you. I’m sorry; I’m not him, and I am none of those people.” I pecked her cute nose. “That’s not all of you, and I want to know her. I won’t even talk about it unless you feel like you want to.”

  “Why are you so good to me?” she asked as she tightened her embrace. Her mouth found mine, and I slid my fingers under the shirt, touching her soft skin.

  We ended up making love on her kitchen counter, Elyse crying my name as she came. I groaned as she gripped me with her heat, finishing right afterwards. I dropped forward for a moment before pulling back to get her off the cold surface. “Jesus, I can’t resist you anywhere in this place.”